He asked if I wanted to have a coffee.
In enterprise-speak, that’s code for “We need to talk,” and it’s not an invite. I learned this the hard way on my first day as an intern, replying “no thanks” to my then manager, thereby forcing him to speak straight for once, all to my colleagues’ great amusement.
Coffee talks fall into four different categories: gossip, secrets, advice, or the beast of the group, all of the above. This particular one, I was to find out, was to be a fine example of a hairy, drooling beast.